Spirit Tracks, What really happened?
by PrincessZelda450
Summary: SOOO My first proper story! What really happened in spirit tracks? "Link... Link no! We have to defeat malladus! Now is not the time to be odering a pizza! But... erm... Ham and pineapple please..." Is Link really the brave hero we know? Why does princess zelda have an obsession with Cheerios? Find inside! R and R please :)
1. Chapter 1- Where are my Cheerios?

**Hello! So, here I am, with a story on Spirit Tracks... I use EXACTLY what is said in the game, along with some of my own text...**

**Soooo yeah!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend Of Zelda. If I did, my heart would explode with joy.**

**Word count: 2,675**

**CHAPTER 1 – Where are my cheerios!?**

_INTRO_

_This is a tale from long ago. It's the __tale of the__ first settlers of this land.  
In the beginning, the people followed the spirits of good and all was peaceful._

But that era of peace soon came to an end.  
The evil Demon King rose to power, destroying everything in his path.

The spirits of good has no _choice__ but to face him in battle.  
The war that ensued seemed to last an eternity, and much blood was shed.  
Finally the spirits subdued the Demon King, though they could not destroy him.  
Their powers were greatly depleted._

With their remaining power, they buried the Demon King's spirit in the ground.  
They built shackles to imprison him, and a tower that acted as a lock.  
These shackles cover the land to this day.

With their power drained, the spirits of good returned to the heavens.  
Suddenly bereft of both demons and spirits, this land was entrusted to us.

"Well? Do I know how to tell a story or what?" The old dude called 'NIKOOOO' as he calls himself (?) said "I call it 'spirits and demons...at war! I only do this show once a year, you know! It's a blasted masterpiece! A...a...a blasterpiece!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Link snored.

"What's this? You fell asleep during my magnum opus?"

"Sorry you lost me at 'This'" Link said

"I can't believe this! You know, Link... A lot of people would love to be in your position.

"Wanna bet? I give you 50 rupees if so." Link betted (?)

"As my roommate, you get to see my work for free!"

"Are you deaf? I just offered you 50 rupees!" Link shouted

"Plus, I'm not getting any younger here."

"OK then, I take that as a yes."

"This story might be the only thing that proves I existed. Can't you play attention for one minute..."

"No."

"And listen to an old man's final creation? Are you listening to me Link?"

"Sort of..."

"OK, OK, I can take a hint. Sorry for boring you."

"THANK YOU!"

"Look, here comes your mentor. Hello there, Alfonzo!"

Alfonzo walked in wearing some head scarf with a bird on and a very inappropriate top showin off his blue tattoo. "Why are you still here Link?" He demanded. "Come on now, wipe the sleep out of your eyes!" He picked link up and shook him! "Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!" Link would have probably made a very sarcastic remark, but his eyes were too busy swirling round in circles. "Today is a very important day, you know!" Alfonzo continued. "It's your audience with the princess!"

"WHAT?!" Link scremed, his eyes had magically stopped swirling.

"Don't tell me you forgot!"

"Um... That would be a lie though..."

"You won't amount to much if you don't pay attention."

Link's eyes decided to swirl again.

"Don't you want your engineer's certificate?"

"Not particularly, no." Link yawned.

"Well, the graduation ceremony is at the castle."

" I JUST SAID NO!"

"Princess Zelda herself is going to do the honours!"

"You just said that!"

"I'm heading to the station now, so meet me there." Remember, the station is up the road. Don't get lost!"

"How could I get lost?!" Link asked, "I can see it out the window!"

"Got it?"

"Well I..."

"Good! Then get a move on! See you later, Niko!"

"That's NIKOOOOO to you!" Niko shouted. "Now Link, Today is the day you graduate from apprentice to official engineer."

"You don't say." Said Link, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Anyway is that even legal? To make a 12 year old kid an engineer?"

"Its quite an honour, so you mustn't be late." Niko warned. "Use the stylus to touch where you want to go. It's as easy as that!"

"Um, Niko..." Link began "What the heck is a stylus?!"

"THATS NIKOOOO!" Niko shouted. "And erm (Cough) I have no idea... To talk to someone or use an object, just tap what you're interested in!"

"Tap?"

"Now, off to the castle with you! Scoot!"

"Pssh well BYE then." Link said and ran out the house. As he got outside, a big sign appeared above his head saying 'Outset Village' But Link ignored it. He carried on wuntil an annoying girl called SALLY shouted "Heyy! Link! Over here!" Sally had a MASSIVE crush on link and said in her diary that she wanted to marry him. "Hey, Link! I thought you'd never come over!"

"What? I was 3 seconds!"

"To chat, just tap the person you want to talk to."

"I KNOW!"

"Wait a second! There are a bunch of rocks in front of the house!"

"You mean you didn't notice them before?"

"Somebody must have been up to no good and piled them up! Hey you look like you've got some free time on your hands, Link. Instead of just standing there, could you move those rocks?

"NoIhavegottoseetheprincessan dIhavetogonowsobyeee!" Link said and ran towards the train.

"Do you understand the significance of today? In order to become a train engineer in this kingdom, you must have an audience with the princess." Alfonzo stated.

"Yes, I know." Link grumbled. "That's like, the 3rd time I've been told that in the last minute!"

"If she grants you her permission, you can finally operate a train by herself." Continued Alfonzo. I think he might be deaf too.

"What if she says 'no'" Questioned Link.

"Err... Now hope aboard! We're going to the castle!"

"You don't say..."

"Good! Then let's get going!" Despite the exclamation marks, Alfonzo did not shout this or say it with excitement, he just carried on shaking his hand and looking moody. AAANNYWAAY...

"Oh, but one last thing. You're going to drive the train to get us there!"

"WHAT!" Shouted Link, "WHAT?!"

"Call it your final exam! Don't look so worried – it'll be a piece of cake." Alfonzo said.

"WORRIED? I'M ANGRY MAN!"

"You need to get us to the castle in 300 seconds," Alfonzo continued. "Right now, we're here in Outset Village."

"You think I don't know what my own hometown that I've lived on for 12 years is called?"

"And our destination, Hyrule Castle, is right here!"

"Where?" Link said, but then a magic floating map appeared with a MASSIVE arrow on it. "Oh."

"There are lots of other trains on the tracks, so be careful not to hit them. The tracks you can drive on are green. The grey ones are off-limits. So think you got it?"

"Yeah, suppose."

"I like your confidence! I'll remind you how to operate the train on our way there. So hop aboard!"

Link jumped onto the train, accidentally shouting "HA!" before setting off. Alfonzo said some very obvious and annoying things that Link had known for 8 years, like "This is the gearbox" Did he really think Link didn't know that? It was pretty obvious anyway... And he obviouslt thinks Link is blind too, since he told him about some pig thing on the tracks when it was so obvious! When they finally arrived at the town, Link was sure he heard someone shout "WHERE ARE MY CHEERIOS? I HATE COCO POPS!" But he wasn't sure. Anyway.

"You got us to castle town! And you know what else? You look good handling a train! That's the surest sign you're going to make a great engineer. Now just head to the castle for your graduation ceremony." Alfonzo congratulated Link. "It's to the north. You can't miss it. Good luck now!"

Link stopped being happy and became angry again because Alfonzo was saying obvious nonsense, of course he could see the castle! So, Link started to walk towards the castle, only to be scared by a man with blue hair and a pointy beard. He got so scared he started to run. But at least he wasn't scarred for life by Bob, as we will call the blue-haired beauty, however he WAS scarred for life by the 'postman' who thought he was a train?

"Hey, hey , howdy, mister!"

Ok then, a train cowboy.

"Me? Oh I'm no good at long-winded introductions. I'm just an average guy who works at the postman gig to get by. You can call me Postman, All my friends do. Now that you know my name..."

"Wait, your actual NAME is Postman?" Link was very very confused.

"...Next time I see you, don't be shy! Say hello!"

"NO, you're weird."

"Speaking of names, you're Link right?

"AAAH! HOW THW HELL DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?!" Link was very scared now.

"I've got a letter for you, so I'll just jump right in and read it aloud."

"What! Ohhhh no you don't, that might be from my Granny Gertrude! And she always gives me money!"

"Oh, wait. That's the way we USED to do things. But no more! Apparently, some folks thought our reading out their letters out loud was rude."

"SOME folks?"

"So now out policy is to hand-deliver the post unopened. Here you go!"

Link took the letter and a weird DUH NU NU NUUUUU sound came out of the speakers in the postman's hat, and Link was forced to do a stupid pose.

"OK, I've delivered your post safely to you! Well, my work seems to be done here, so I'll be off. See you around!" CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO

Link was now scarred for life. He RAN into the castle. But there was a really fat guy blocking his path! Oh no! "What is it, kid? We're kind of busy protecting Hyrule Castle right now. If you've got no business here, I suggest you scram!"

"Um, well, FYI, I'm here for a ceremony, So In Your Face!"

"What's that? You're here for the engineer graduation ceremony?"

"Yes Sir!" Link said with mock respect.

"Ah, I'd completely forgotten that today was the graduation ceremony. Huh, I didn't know they gave engineers' certificates to little kids like you..."

"Neither did I!" Link agreed... when suddenly...

"WHERE ARE MY CHERIOOOSSSSS?"

Yep, he had definitely heard it this time.

The guard, who was probably deaf, like everyone else, continued, "I guess times are a-changing. Well, go on in."

"Thanks, Mario wannabe!" Link laughed and ran through... BUT... there was a tall thin reedy wimp dude blocking the stairs! Dun Dun DUUUUUN!

"The princess's throne room is up these stai..."

"I WANT MY CHEERIOS NOW!"

"rs. Only invited guests are allowed in. What that means for you is... GET LOST!"

"Oh, you're NICE!" Link retorted.

Just then, a random THING that looked very evil and had 2 hats and a very messed up moustache and a FANG! Came along. "What's all this commotion?"

"Oh, good day, Chancellor Cole. Apologies for the disturbance." Said the guard, now sucking up to the evil fang dude. "This boy says he's come to save the princess!"

"Um, hello... I ha.."

"DAAADDYYYYY! GET ME MY CHEERIOS NOW!"

"ve." Link finished.

"Is that so? You're here for the graduation ceremony? But you're so young. What a waste of resources..."

"I AM NOT A WASTE YOU EVIL FANG DUDE!"

"The spirit tracks are vanishing... Yet the prince..."

"DDDDDAAAAADDDDYYYYYYYY! I WANT SOME CHEERIOS NOOOWWWW!"

"YES MY DARLING RIGHT AWAY!" Came a very nervous sounding voice.

"ss insists on performing these ridiculous ceremonies." The messed-up moustache complained. "Well, come along boy. We must get you to your ceremony! Follow me! Don't just stand there drooling, Private! Move aside!"

"Yes, sir" The suck-up sucked-up.

Link followed the freak up the stairs to see a massive window with Tetra on it and the biggest throne in the world! Oh yeah, and Zelda. She smiled a lot... Link lifted his head and-

"Raising your head without permission? You ill-mannered urchin!" Evil fang dude shouted.

"Shut up, Cole, you evil man, you didn't get me any cheerios!" The princess scremed.

"No," She continued , her voice softening "Don't pay any attention to Chancellor Cole. You must be the new engineer. What's your name?"

"Link!"

"Oh, Link is a wonderful name! Well, Link by the power vested in me, I herby proclaim you... my official cheerio server! Ho hum, not really, unless you want to, but..."

"We're wasting our time here, Your Highness! Please just hurry up and finish this foolish ceremony!"

"GRRRR!" The princess grrred. "...Very well, Chancellor." Just then a really freaky dude with a Mohican came by. "Thank you, Teacher." She said. "I hereby recognise our newest royal engineer...Link! Work hard, for we all rely on you, Link." Just then the weird DUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUH sound came again. "Shh, take this. No! Don't say a word now. Read this late...and beware of the chanceller!" Zelda said, handing him a letter she must have secretly written during the ceremony, because it said 'Dear Link' and she didn't even know his name before! DUN DUN DUUUUN!

"The ceremony's over, so I suggest you move along. Why don't you go... polish your train or something. Not that it matters much. The thing will be useless before long..." Just then EVIL music played, suggesting that freaky fang was the baddie! GASP! Link read the letter, and sneaked up to Zelda's room. DOUBLE GASP!

As he entered, Zelda was playing 'The cheerio's song' on her flue. "I'm so glad you made it, Link! Did any of the guards see you on the way here?"

"Meh, I dunno."

"Really... Well Link, I'm hoping you can help me. You see, I really want some cheerios but I can't get any! Will you go and get some and then come back?" She shoved him out the door.

Link returned with the cheerios, which Zelda ate in 3 seconds.

"Now. I have a favour to ask of you, Link. As you know, the Tower if Spirits has protected our kingdom for ages. The tower connects all the spirit tracks that criss-cross the land. However, for some reason, they seen to be vanishing from everywhere. Something must have happened at the tower to cause all this. I must go there to investigate. So, Link.. Would you please take me to the TOWER OF SPIRITS?" She shouted the Tower of Spirits part, because she felt like it. "I've heard tales of a wise one who guards our land and lives in the tower. Perhaps she might be able to shed some light on what's happening, and also buy me a big family pack of cheerios! Chancellor Cole forbids me from leaving the castle due to "safety concerns". I think he just doesn't want me going to the tower, though."

"Mm-hmm..." Link said, playing with a fly. Where he found the fly, I don't know, but Zelda killed it. "HEY!" Link shouted.

"What? It was annoying." Zelda stated. "Now, as I was saying... But why? It's clear he's hiding something... I have the feeling something terrible is about to happen! Like, I don't know, my giant cheerios bowl going missing! But, that's why I absolutely must get to the tower. What do you think? Will you take me on your train?"

"Yeah Ok!"

"Thank you so much, Link. All right, please put this on right away. It's a recruit uniform. The guards are starting their patrols, so getting past them won't be easy. But if you wear this, they;ll think you're one of them!"

Link put on the uniform.

"Oh, wait. Link, we could just jump out the window and over the hedge. C'mon, lets jump!"

So they jumped out the window.

And over the hedge.

"We did it! We made our way out of the castle!" Zelda cheered. "Now, let's board the train and head for the Tower of Spirits!"

So, basically, they walked towards the train, Alfonzo got angry, Zelda sucked up to him, he gave in...

AND THEIR ADVENTURE BEGAN!

**SOOO... Chapter 1 over! Please Read, Review, Fave etc... And I'm taking in OCs so if you have a suggestion plz comment it!**

**Thank you for reading this!**

**-PrincessZelda450**


	2. Chapter 2- EVIL FANG-O IS EVIL!

**SOOO... Chapter 2! Here we are...**

**Link: Read and review!  
Zelda: GIVE ME CHEERIOS LINK!**

**And, also btw, Outset village is Aboda Village or whatever it's called, and Staven is Byrne. I got the English version when it first came out, they changed it later.**

**Right... Disclaimer: I DO OWN ZELDA! Aww, not really but I wish I did :'(**

**OK so anyway, here we gooooo...**

After Alfonzo had become so angry his head nearly fell off because he thought Link was responsible for Zelda coming out the castle (Which he kind of was, actually) They set off with Link, once again, shouting HUP! As he got on the train. BUT SUDDENLY... The tracks disappeared and Link screamed WAH! As he fell off, and Zelda came out looking completely calm even though the train just fell over. Oh, and the Tower Of Spirits broke and nearly crushed Link and Zelda... DUN DUN DU- Ok, that joke IS getting a bit old now...

"What's happening to the Tower of Spirits? Zelda said.

"WELL DUH its breaking apart by an evil purple energy..." Explained Link.

BUT as he was explaining, a big flying train flew over their heads, going CHOOGA CHOOGA CHOOGA really loudly.

"Out for a leisurely stroll, Your Highness? Tsk, tsk, tsk! You know that's not allowed!" Scolded evil fang man, who was definitely the baddie.

"Is it even possible to say tsk?" Asked Zelda. "And ANYWAY! Allowed by who? You, Chancellor Cole?"

Evil fang-o turned into a demon and screamed MWAAA Before saying "Who else? Who do you think is really in charge?"

"Well, me, seeing as I'm royalty, you know..."

"..." Cole said (?) "My goodness, pretending to be human is exhausting."

"Wait, you thought people FELL for your disguise? I mean, you have fangs, a messed-up moustache, and 2, TWO hats, like, super-glued to you head!" Link shouted.

"Who knew that chancellor was just another word..." Cole continued, "For royal cheerio pourer?! I had meant to keep up the ruse a bit longer." His eyes turned white and massive, which is impossible. "But there is no need for that any more, Princess."

"Do you have EYELINER on?" Link asked.

"Bringing in the boy and the engineer didn't help either."

"What are you talking about, Cheerio?" Zelda said.

UUGH! Cole sighed. "I'm TALKING about the relics of those awful spirits, DUH. Now that those vile tracks are disappearing, the time is finally at hand!" He grinned menacingly. "All we need now is...A little help from the princess!" He exclaimed, doing a jig with the biggest fake smile EVER on.

OI. Alfonzo made a weird noise, OI. "I don't know who these two are, Your Highness. But with your permission... I'd be happy to teach them some manners."

"LOL! Nyee hee hee hee hee! How adorably...human!" Cole levitated. Which is also impossible.

"Enough out of you!" Alfonzo exclaimed, stabbing the air... "My family has served the royal house for generations!"

"Melodrama bores me. Staven, would you kindly dispose of this fool?" Cole asked a man who had a metal arm and lovely red eyes.

Why is everything so far impossible?

"This man speaks the truth, Cole. His movements are not those of an amateur. And he's not my enemy." Staven said.

"I told you, I will defend the princess at any cost!" Alfonzo snarled.

"And I told you. We're not enemies. Are you deaf or somethi..."

"Yes, he is deaf, I think!" Link started.

"SHUT UP LINK!" Zelda exclaimed, eating some popcorn.

Alfonzo died.

Oh, sorry, he didn't die. Just flew 100 miles an hour into a train and slid down to the ground, but he didn't even break his finger!

"Nyee hee hee hee hee! Oh, Staven, you do know how to put on a show!"

"IKR!" Shouted Zelda, throwing the empty popcorn box behind her.

"He's only human, Cole. He's no match for me at all." Staven boasted.

"Help me, Link!" Zelda screamed.

Link tried, but failed. He got thrown across the field. DUN DUN- no no Georgia thats TOO OLD NOW!

"No! Don't come any closer!" Zelda protested.

"I'll give you cheerios."

"Oh. Ok."

Just then Zelda died, too.

Oh no, there goes her spirit.

Bye bye Zelda.

"That takes care of the first step of our plan." Cole concluded, "Nyee hee hee hee hee! Our work is done here. Come now, Staven!"

The last thing Link saw was Zelda's body being taken away.

A few hours later, Link woke up.

"Welcome back, boy," The man known as 'Teacher' who had the Mohican and worried expression, said.

Link ran out the room! How rude, Link!

"CHEEEEEERIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OS" Came a ghostly voice, "CHEEEEERIIIOSSSSSSS!" It was Zelda! Link gasped and ran up the stairs after her. As he entered her room, there was Zelda. She turned around.

"...Can you...see me, Link?"

"NO, I'm just staring at you and talking to you. I can't see you though."

"Shut up! Don't be so rude! You made me forget my line, you silly boy!" Zelda sighed and got a script out her pocket. "Oh yes. Now, ahem...I am so sorry for what happened to Alfonzo. And to you, too. I never knew the chancellor was capable of such evil."

"COME ON, Zelda! He had FANGS!"

"Yes, I know that, but I can't change the script. Now shut up. RIGHT... All these years and I never really- You know what, I'm not even gonna say that line. I'm not a thicko! UGH. Ok, moving on... I was a fool. WHAT! NO I WASN'T! Poooooo... You saw it, didn't you L-" She burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, but the expression on your face is just PRICELESS!"

Zelda, come on, go from, I was a fool.

" WHAT THE HELL! DID THE WALL JUST TALK?!"

Yes I did, go on.

"Right. Ok... I was a fool. You saw it, didn't you, Link? You saw what happened to the tower of spirits... Why would the tower have broken apart like that? It must have something to do with that demon. The same one who made the spirit tracks disappear... This must be the handiwork of Cole and his crony. But what could their goal be? He said something about spirit tracks vanishing. What did he mean by that? And why would they take my body away with them?" She slowly levitated, and Zelda's lullaby stopped playing. HUUUUUUU link gasped. HUUUUU! SHE'S LEVITATING! HUUUUUU! "What will they do with it?" Zelda wondered, "Oh, I'm sorry. It seems I'm much... lighter without my body." She floated back down to the ground. "Listen, Link. Let's try again to go to the tower of spirits. Now more than ever, we have to find the wise one! But before we go, I want to show you something. This pan flu, The Spirit Pipes..." She pointed to her pan flute, "is a prized family heirloom. It's been handed down for generations. It belonged to my ancestor, Tetra, who founded this kingdom. She was a pirate. It is my greatest treasure of all, besides my giant cheerios bowl. I can't carry it in this state, as you can see. But... I'm certain it's meant to protect me. I can hardly ask you to do more for me... But... will you take this? And will you come to the tower with me? You're the only person I can turn to now."

"Yes." Replied Link, running forwards towards the Spirit flue and when he picked it up... DUH NU NU NUUUUUUU! You got the spirit pipes! This pan flute will probably come in very handy! The music was very inappropriate for such an emotional scene. "Thank you so much Link...Now then, shall we go? I shall travel alongside you."

Link left her room.

All the guards had disappeared.

After being told by a grumpy old man he needed a sword, Link swore and went and got a sword. But, he received unnecessary training. GRRRR!

But, he eventually got into the tunnel.

Link knew when the tunnel had opened, cos a weird DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH sound came.

Zelda was scared of the purple mice, so Link left her behind and carried on.

"Hey!" She shouted, and flew after him.

They eventually reached the tower, and Zelda said "What's this train?"

"This, my dear, is the Spirit Train..."

**HERE's ANJEAN! YAAY! I like to think that Anjean is actually Tetra, because of her hair, I know she isn't, but yeah.**

**Zelda: R and R please!**

**Link: Don't make her angry... ((Drinks a red potion and feels his scar))  
Zelda: YOU LEFT ME BEHIND WITH MICE!**

**Link: You didn't need to throw a rock at me...**

**Zelda: UGH, Ignore him.**

**Link: Ok, fine, Just, R AND R! **

**If you read it, please review! And I don't mind bad reviews, as long as you tell me HOW TO IMPROVE!**


	3. Chapter 3-Be quiet you silly boy!

**Chappie number 3!**

**I would like to say thank you to Zeldafanatic for reviewing. I'm so glad you like it :D**

**Well, I don't own Zelda.**

**HAPPY NOW?**

**Right. Carrying on.**

"It doesn't look like a spirit to me," Said Link, "It looks like a statue of some train."

"Shut up," Anjean said angrily, "This is very important. Right. The spirits entrusted us with its keeping."

"How did you know that?" Zelda asked.

"Because, I read the script."

"Oh. And.. you can see me? Are you... the wise one?"

The music played, like, DO DO DO DO DO DOOOO DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH, DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO. Hopefully you know what the Tower of Spirits tune is, or I'm going to look very very weird.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly put it that way," Anjean explained, "But I do watch over the tower of spirits. My name is Anjean."

"I already knew that it says 'Hello, my name is Anjean. Happy to help!' On your wheelchair." Link said.

"Be quiet. I'm not talking to you."

"Am I glad to see you!" Zelda exclaimed, "There's something we have to talk to you about!...PLEASE can you give me a family pack of cheerios?"

"What? No!" Anjean shouted. "What ARE cheerios anyway? Ok, on with the script... hmmm... Mm, yes, that pallor you're sporting is quite frightful."

"You don't say." Link said.

"SHUT YOUR GOB!" Anjean screamed. "Now, Zelda... One might even call it...rather hideous, in fact."

"Hideous? How dare you?! I can have you arrested for saying that, you know!" Zelda stated.

"Now, now, no need to get your feathers all ruffled. Many generations have passed...But it's clear you've inherited her feistiness."

"Yeah yeah whatever, I know you're talking about Tetra, I'm not even gonna ask."

"Feisty AND bright, just like her. Yes, I met her when she first came to this land. She and I WERE FRIENDS FOR A VERY LONG TIME." Like Zelda, Anjean sometimes shouts things because she feels like it.

"But my ancestor was here generations ago! She was a pirate. Her crew discovered this la..."

"You think I didn't know that? I've known her for, like, 100 years, PUNK!" Anjean said in a YO voice.

"...Punk?" Link was so confused, here was a sweet old lady and she said PUNK! How strange!

"Where you here in the tower then, Anjean?" Zelda asked

"That's a story for another time, my dear."

"It's a yes or no question!" Link complained, "How is it a STORY for another time?"

Anjean ignored him.

After Zelda had explained the story we heard at the beginning, Anjean said "Correct my dear. The spirit tracks carry that energy. |If the tracks are lost, the tower's energy will fade. And so will the demon kings prison."

"You don't s..."

Anjean went over and duct taped his mouth shut.

"MMMMMMM!" Link MMMMed.

"And that's just what the evil ones are after!" Anjean continued dramatically. "They aim to resurrect Malladus, the Demon King. Right now, my strength maintains his shackles, but it's only a matter of time until they're broken_."_

MMM MMM'M MMM! Link MMMMed meaning to say 'You don't say," again.

"Of course, in order to resurrect Malladus, they need one other key ingredient...Cheerios. Only a big, family pack of cheerios will work. And that is why he needed you, because only a vessel from the royal line of ancient Hyrule, with sacred power coursing through its veins, can properly digest a packet of those yummy O's. Yes, Malladus requires you in order to return. But... Only your shell, my dear. It would be the only vessel suitable for him to inhabit."

As this sank in, Zelda;s eyes turned red. "NOOOOOOOOOO! THE DEMON KING IS GOING TO EAT MY CHEERIOS? IN MY BODY? BLEGH! THATS JUST TOO DISGUSTING FOR WORDS! WE HAVE TO STOP THEM! WE CAN'T LET THE DEMON KING RETURN!"

The tape had fallen off and Link sai, "Panic attaaaack," Which, for once, Anjean agreed with him.

"My thoughts exactly, my dear. At the top of this tower is your body, and 2 massive family packs of cheerios. The demon king's spirit is also there. To prevent him from possessing your body, and having the magical power of the cheerios in him, you must fortify his prison. To do this, you must restore the energy between the temple and this tower. In other words... Restore the tracks between here and the temples."

"BUT HOW? HOW TO WE RESTORE THE TRACKS?" screamed Zelda, still in panic attack mode, "HOWWWWWW! THEY ARE MY CHEERIOS AND MY CHEERIOS ONLY!"

"The answer lies above us on the floors of this tower. Four sacred glyphs are enshrined there," Anjean answered, "These tablets are the rail maps to the kingdom. You must retrieve them. As you know, this tower connects our kingdom. Right now, the tower is filled with an evil energy. If you can get far enough to receive a glyph, a portion of the tracks will be restored. Start your search by climbing the stairs."

"Of course! Thank you, Anjean!" After Zelda had terrorised Link, causing him to faint, he woke up 9 hours later and then Anjean said, "Sorry to interrupt such an, um, enthusiastic pep talk, but ascending this tower alone would be impossible. There are traps set to snag trespassers... Not to mention the pesky little monster infection..."

"...Is that so? Well, I feel terrible asking, but..."

"Well don't ask then!"

"I'm following the script! Can't you see that! RIGHT! Well, I feel terrible asking, but... Anjean, can you guide Link upstairs?"

"No. Have you already forgotten what I said? My wheels are spinning just keeping the tower together."

"They look pretty still to me." Link protested.

"Be quiet, you silly boy." Anjean said, "Its a saying. Ok. I'm sorry, Zelda, but I just cannot leave my post."

"Then what should we do?" Wondered Zelda, "Should we go back and get Alfonzo? Oh, but he's wounded. Teacher? The captain of the castle guard? But I suppose there's no time for that, is there..."

"What if you went with him, my dear?"

Zelda slowly turned around. "...Me? Go with him? But... erm..." She tried to think of an excuse, "But I'm not sure how much help I'd be in this state?"

"Well, my dear, this kingdom is your responsibility. You mustn't ever forget that."

"Whatevs."

"UGH! I'm sure you'll find a way to help you somehow."

"Well... All right. We'd better get going then, Link."

And, as Link and Zelda disappeared up the stairs, she was sure she heard Link say, "You're a really good actress! But that old lady woman is annoying..."

Anjean loaded her gun and smiled.

**Sorry for the short chapter **** I'll probably have another one up tonight or tomorrow though.**

**Link: Read and Review!**

**Anjean: You silly boy they've already read it.**

**Zelda: Stop arguing! Uggghhhh, review guys.**

**Link: Until next time!**


	4. Chapter 4- Stop flirting!

**OMG guys! Thank you so much to everyone that reads this...**

**But especially...flamestrikereaglesus, UltimateOtakuGirl100, Echoing Wolf, Zeldafanatic and OC:Ash! Who REVEIWED. Seriously, 179 people viewed and only FIVE people had time to review?**

**An OC named Ash makes her first appearance in this chapter **

**Am I the only person that thinks Zelda looks like Navi when she's that little blue ball?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, Mario, Tesco, Asda, Sainsburys, Disney, Panasonic or Sony :p **

"It's too windy."Zelda whined, "I'm freezing."

"Shut up." Link retorted, "Here's the door."

They stopped and entered the passageway. Suddenly, a large puff of purple smoke appeared and a suit of armour, goldish-green in appearance, appeared. It took one look at them and ran towards them. As Link and Zelda ran out the door, they were too busy screaming and swearing that they didn't see a pair of Blood-red eyes analysing their every move.

As Link appeared, panting, Anjean shoved her gun behind her back and sat back down and whistled a random tune. Unfortunately, the first tune that came to mind was "Paint it black," So Anjean was there, singing a rock song. Link looked horrified. "What's the matter?" Asked Anjean innocently, "You look as pale as a ghost. Though given the company you've been keeping, perhaps it's no surprise."

"Anjean!" Zelda gasped, "There was a ferocious monster up there with a great big sword! I don't see how we can possibly defeat it!"

"Sounds like a Phantom, my dear. They're the guardians of the Tower of Spirits. Though they look quite sinister, they won't harm anyone with a good heart."

"I know what I saw! It was definitely after us! Why would it think Link is evil?"

"There is one possible explanation... Perhaps Link really IS evil!"

"..."

"Hitting the Phantom in the back with your sword would stop it for a while... But first, you need to gather all three of the Tears of Light. That will power up your sword. Then you'll be able to face the Phantom! Remember colle..."

"Yeah yeah we get it, old lady!" Link snapped.

And they ran back up the stairs.

DUH NUH NUH NUUUUUH! You got a tear of Light! Gather three of them to power up your sword!

"YESSSSSS!" Link cried, "YE..."

"Hmmmm..." Came a very feminine voice, "You got one... Not bad for a first try, HERO."

"What? Who are you? Why are you here?" Link asked, worried.

A tall figure stepped out the shadows. A young girl, aged about 16, with fire-red eyes stood there. She was wearing a tight Black jumpsuit, and her coal-black hair was tied up in a high ponytail, reaching down to her mid-back. Her Black boots reached up to her knee, and her rose-red lips formed a menacing smile. "My name..." She paused. "Is Ash."

"Well, Ash," Zelda started, "Link will never ever ever love you so, clear off!"

Ash scoffed. "I was sent here by Cole to defeat you two, not..." She turned bright red. "AAAAUUUGHGGHH! I wasn't supposed to say that! Well, anyway..." A random cat appeared. "OH MY GODDESS! A CAT! AWWWWWW! YOU'RE SOOOOOO CUTE! DO YOU WANNA BE MY LITTLE FRIEND? YES YOU DO, DON'T YOU? YOU DO, YOU DOOOO!" And Ash and the cat disappeared in a ball of fire.

"Well... That was... Strange..." Link looked slightly shaken up.

"Yeah... C'mon, let's go get those other tears!" Zelda said.

They travelled round and collected the rest of the tears.

Link snuck up and stabbed the Phantom. It froze. Then, suddenly, it turned around and raised its sword... Link fell back onto the floor. "LINK!" Zelda screamed, and flew towards the Phantom.

A bright light appeared.

The Phantom stood up. "Wh-what just happened? Don't look so scared, Link! It's me! It's Zelda!" Link stood up, "I don't know what happened there! But when I saw that Phantom corner you...I just leaped at it without even thinking!"

"PRINCESS ZELDA? CAN YOU HEAR ME? IT'S ANJEAN!" Came a voice, "Listen, don't speak like that, it makes it sound like you luuuuuurve Link."

"AAH! ANJEAN! HOW DARE YOU! I-I-I... I UM, DON'T! YEAH, THATS RIGHT, I DON'T!"

Link just looked smug.

"Anyway...Ehem, this is really not my day, is it? First I lose my body...Then I look like a heap of scrap metal... And now Anjean is making true-FALSE! I SAID FALSE! Assumptions! Oh... wait a second... Maybe I CAN be some use to you like this. It's not exactly what you'd expect from a princess... But right now that can't really be helped. Come on, Link, let's get moving! We need to find my cheerios... I mean my body... I mean THAT GLYPH!"

Link laughed, and they carried on. After opening the giant door, they came across a room with too many spikes.

"This room is so spiky." Zelda complained. "I don't think you can get through the floor spikes, Link. Leave it to me! I'll figure something out!" She walked over the spikes and ht a switch, causing them to disappear. Link followed. They then opened the door and carried on... until... "Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! MOUUUUUUUSEEEE!"

Little did they know, Ash was still in the shadows with her cat called Sooty. She laughed and jotted down "Scared of mice." Down in her Hello KittyTM notebook.

"There's another Phantom, Link! But wait a second... Now that I'm in disguise, maybe I can trick him into thinking I'm on his side. I'll go try."

"Hehe... Hi..."

"HOW GOES THE PATROL?"

"Oh, you know... nothing interesting..."

"SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU TODAY."

"Hehe nothings different. Stop flirting."

"THIS JOB IS HARD ON THE FEET."

"Um, yeah. I agree."

"NO ONE'S HERE. WHY ARE WE GUARDING IT."

'Teehee.' Zelda thought, 'If only he knew...' "Yes, its pointless really." She agreed.

"YOU SEEM CUTER THAN USUAL. WHY."

"STOP flirting with me! GRRRRR!"

"GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"Charming." She sighed, "HEY LINK!"

Link lolled and followed her into the safe zone.

Suddenly, the Phantom's body collapsed, and Link's sword returned to normal. "Ahhh... It's nice to get out of that clanky old outfit and back to my old self. There must be something special about his room... It looks like the light of your sword has disappeared too, Link."

Link ran up to the pedestal, and grabbed the glyph. DE DE DE DE DE DEEE! You found the forest glyph! On one side is a map of the forest land! Some of the lost spirit tracks have reappeared! "Great job, Link! That must be the glyph Anjean was talking about!" A blue flower light thing appeared.

"What could that blue light be?"

"This is Anjean here. Good work, ZELDA. You've done well getting the glyph, but you can't go any farther now. Step into the light to return to the tower lobby."

They left.

"Ah, so you managed to obtain the glyph. ZELDA you might just be able to restore the spirit tracks in every land!"

After a long explanation of how to get to the temple, Anjean lent ZELDA the spirit train and they set off, in search of Gage.

**Link: LA LA LA LAAAAA LA LA LA ALAAAAAA LALALALLAL OLOOOOOOO LAALLALALA**

**Zelda: Ignore his singing.**

**Anjean: Reviewwwwwwww!**


	5. Chapter 5- The farting beetle

**HI! Thanks to Zeldafanatic, ilovedogs12, CaptainAzenor, Ash (Glad u like her :D) And That Awesome Guy! =D**

**Well, here comes chapter 5.**

**TEEHEE.**

"Oh, just one last thing about that map…"  
"AAAAAAHHHH! NOOOOO! EVIL LADY LOKOMO IS STALKING US! ZELDA HEEEEEEELP!" Link screamed.

VERY loudly.

"I'm not…. Stalking you… Anyway, Zelda, should you decide to change your destination mid-course… Redraw your travel route by tapping Route in the lower corner of the screen. Unfortunately, I haven't enough power to speak with you beyond this point."

"That's an unfortunate thing…?"

"Be brave, Zelda!"

The train carried on until Link couldn't be bothered to carry on so he stopped at Castle Town. "Ah, home sweet home! I wish we had time to chat with the folks and hear the latest news… But we really should get to the Woodland Sanc…"

"No way. I haven't eaten for, like, 20 minutes. So I'm going to eat my usual breakfast of eggs, bacon, cheesey beans, muffins, croissants, chicken, sausages, cornflakes, waffles, toast, a mug of tea, a glass of orange juice and a big cup of hot chocolate thank you very much."

"…greedy pig,"

Link returned 3 hours later and had lost 180 rupees.

"COME ON!" Zelda shouted, "Lets GO!"

So they set off.

Again.

Eventually, they reached a forest with trees made out of paper. "This is so obvious… See, that tree says 'Follow me' and that one says 'just kidding, go right instead.'" Link said.

They got to the Woodland Sanctuary, and killed a few monsters, learnt some song, and…

"Are you Gage? Gage of the Lokomos?" Zelda asked,

"Why yes! I am indeed Gage!" The tree man answered.

"Oh! He seems quite a bit more lively than Anjean, doesn't he?"

"What was that now?! If you've something to say, I'd like to hear it!"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I meant no offence. Actually, Anjean sent us here to speak with you."

"Oh, yes, yes, of course! You must be the Princess and the Sarcastic Annoying Idiot with that wonderful pan flute! And you're here to restore the tracks to the Wooded Temple, yes?"

"Um… I mean, yes! Yes, of course! We need to re…"

"Yes, I know. Well, there is a way! Want to hear it?"

"Y.."

"Well, you don't have a choice. To restore the tracks that disappeared, you need to know a special song. It is called the song of restoration, and each land has its own unique version. This song is a duet that requires two sacred instruments. My cello and your Spirit Pipes should do the trick. With both instruments playing the song, we can restore the glyph's energy! So, shall we try it?"

"Yeah, I guess." Link guessed reluctantly.

"Oh. Well, best of luck to you, Link!" Zelda gushed. "I should really be the one playing the Spirit PIPES BUT I CAN'T DO IT IN THIS STATE."

"Do you always shout things at the end of your sentences?"

"I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job, though!" She ignored him.

"So, shall we try to play the song?" Gage asked, "Not that you have a choice."

"Ok."

"Alright! Lets practice a bit before we go into the real thing!"

They practiced for a while, before finally going on to the real thing. Link succeeded and… Oh, no…

"UGH YOU IDIOT! THAT'S ALL WRONG! GRRRRRRR!"

Ok, after Link succeeded for REAL, Zelda did a dance, and…DUH NUH NUH NUH! You successfully played the song of forest's restoration! The forest glyph started glowing! New tracks have appeared!

"Wonderful, wonderful! The tracks to the wooded temple have been restored!" Gage smiled. He liked Link, he thought, and he'd tell Anjean to downgrade her gun.

"Wonderful! You did it Link! I'm soooooooo proud of you!" Zelda laughed. "And you sounded really good too! Now, lets head to the wooded temple!" She turned to Gage, "Thank you so much, Gage!"

"Good luck! But be careful! The Wooded Temple can be very dangerous." Gage warned.

"Yeah, thanks old man," Link smiled, "I guess not ALL Lokomos are bad…" And he rushed out the door, towards the train.

And they set off towards the wooded temple.

_._._._._._._._._._

"I can't believe there was a chip shop in the woods. And what's more, I can't believe you went there after your monster breakfast!"

"I'm a growing boy," Link said "And I need more carbohydrates."

"Hmmppphhh…. So this is the wooded temple… Are you ready for what's to come Link?"

"Of course."

"Good, then lets go!"

Link learned the song of healing! "Hiya! Thanks for summoning me! My name is Ciela! As a reward for summoning me, I'll tag along with you for your entire journey! LETS GO!"

So Link, Zelda and… Ciela… set off…

"Hey! Look Link! There's a locked door! You need to solve the puzzle in this room to…" She broke off. "HHAHAHAHA! Don't worry, I'm not like that! Teehee!" And she flew ahead. Suddenly the door behind Link closed, showing off the BIGGEST nostrils EVER, and a few monsters appeared. Link killed them and a chest appeared. He opened it… and…. "OMG! ZOMG! 100 RUPEES! ZELDA! CIELA! I'M RICH!" And he did a jig. Very badly.

"Come _on._" Ciela said.

So they went through the next door.

The door closed, again, and then a massive chest appeared, and… "A WHIRLWIND!"

Suddenly a voice came… "You have now got the WHIRLWIND. Enter the blue light to fight the farting beetle!"

So they skipped the temple right to the boss.

"EWWWW! A FARTING BEETLE FARTING PURPLE GAS EWWWW!" Link screamed.

"That IS pretty gross…" Ciela agreed.

"DIE!" Link shouted. It turned out the fart was poison and the bug died. And turned in to a MASSSSSSIVE DIAMOND! YAY!

But just as the diamond was about to hit the pedestal… "UGH! THIS WAS NOT MEANT TO HAPPEN!" Ash flipped out from the shadows. "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!"

"Where do you come from?" Zelda asked suddenly, "And what business do you have with Cole?"

"Ohhh…. …. Ya see…"

_FLASHBACK_

A 7 year old Ash was playing in the snow, with her mum and dad, when suddenly, an evil man appeared. Ash threw a snowball at him and he started to cry, because it hurt so much. Ash's mum felt really sorry for him, and he was an orphan, so she invited him to stay. It turns out that Cole and Ash were long-lost siblings, so now the family is happy once more, despite Ash's obsession with cats, and Cole's obsession with mice.

However, Cole heard of the Great Malladus and decided to serve him. Ash and her parents were dragged into this too, and now they all live in the castle.

Eating….. CHEERIOS.

_End of flashback._

"Never mind… Anyway, Princess, why are you so obsessed with cheerios?"

"Oh… um… teehee…."

_Flashback_

"MUMMYYYYY!" A 4-year-old Zelda screamed, "TEACHERS RAN OUT OF CORNFLACKIES FOR MY BREEEAAAKFAAAST!" and she cried and cried and cried.

"Shhh…. Its ok, I have a new brand of cereal now… Its called Cheerios… Its very yummy…" Queen Ivy replied.

"B-But… Ok…"

It turns out, that batch of cheerios was so delicious, because it had evil brain washing ingredients in it to make you buy more!

_End of flashback._

"Um… never miiiiiind…. Teeheee…."

"UGH!" Ciela screamed. It turned out that while Ash and Zelda were remembering their life stories, Ciela and Link played a full game of monopoly, and Link had just won!

'Meeeewwww….'

"AWWWW! MY LITTLE SOOTY IS LONELY!" And Ash disappeared. With Sooty.

"Heh heh… Great job Link!" Zelda smiled.

Link grabbed the heart container, and left the temple.

He was so happy.

He smiled.

He grinned.

He would never have to see a giant life size farting beetle for the rest of his life.

And, to celebrate, he bought a Big Mac.

**Link: MMM… BIG MAC….**

**Zelda: Ugh, ignore him… Review please ;)**

**Gage: Yes, do, do…**

**Ash: YOU SAID DOODOO!**

**Gage: Shut up…**


	6. Chapter 6 - Ok Ok Sorry

**OMG I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED FOR OVER A MONTH OMG I AM SOOO SORRY I FEEL SOOOO BAD YOU CAN PUNCH ME D:**

**Awesome news, I'm helping write the script for the school play-ANDDD-I MADE ASH THE BADDIE! AND I GOT THE PART! WOOP WOOP WOOP!**

**Thank you to…Guest, Zeldafanatic, Fantasystardreamer7, ilovedogs12, UltimateOtakuGirl100, that awesome guy, Ash, Majestic Quasar Dragon, and, CookieelovesNiall!**

**Zelda: *Punches PrincessZelda450* Name stealer! Get on with it!**

**Me: I'M SORRY!**

**Zelda: Hmph, I've had to deal with Link eating Big Macs for a MONTH so I hope you are extremely sorry!**

**Me: Oh… Fun…**

**Diasclaimer: I do not own LOZ.**

"Are you finished yet?" Zelda exclaimed in extreme anger. "I've been sitting around for about an hour and you're still hungry?"

"I can't help it, those delicious fries are so yummy"

"Link, shut up, you've had 10 Big Macs, 5 Chicken McNugget meals, 7 quarter-pounders-The staff are doing a dance because you spent sooo much money!"

In the distance, some random McDonalds employees were rolling around in millions of rupees.

"Hang on…" Zelda said, "Where did you get all that money?" She eyed Link suspiciously.

"Whatdoyoumean, Ididn'ttakeitallfromyourroom." Link said and afterwards he had to gasp for air, and he looked like the fish from the Natural History museum in London which is not pleasant.

"LIIIINK! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT!? WHY DIDN'T YOU USE YOUR OWN MONEY?!"

"Ugh, don't even get me started on my OWN money. Alfonzo gives me ONE RUPEE a month, it is sooooo unfair, I begged and begged and begged for more, but he gave my such a big lectureeeee!" With that, Link started screaming and rolling about on the floor. "It's noooot faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaairrr!"

"Shut up. Nobody likes you when you do that. Infact, nobody likes you anyway." Zelda snapped.

"NOBODY LIKES ME? OH MY LIGHT SPIRITS I AM SO SAD HELP ME I'M GOING TO DIIIIE!"

Zelda, who was slightly worried that Link was crying and rolling around on a train track, said, "I was just joking. Now hurry up, we need to get back to the Tower."

"PEOPLE LIKE ME?" Link screamed, jumping onto the train and started waving his arms about, whilst shouting "I LOVE MY LIFE!"

"Ok then, that's lovely, would you please hurry up."

"Sorry."

The train whistle was blown and the heroine and now overweight mental…thing…set off to the Tower gift shop so that Link could buy a model of the Tower to give to Alfonzo as a sorry present for asking for more money, when suddenly, the wimpy little purple trains turned into EVIL trains. I have no idea what happened to the passengers. Maybe they were transported back home. Meh.

"W-WHAT WAS THAT? Whatever it was, it didn't look very friendly! I think its best we stay away from those trains." Zelda stated.

"OMG THEY ARE FREAKING AWESOME, ZELDA, CAN WE ADOPT ONE PWEEEEEEASE?"

"No, Link. We cannot adopt an evil train that's life goal is to kill us."

"OOOOOOOOHHHHH, but-but-but…" Link's lip started to wobble, and…

"You have me." Ciela reminded them, "You adopted me."

"AWWWWW I forgot about youuuuuu!" Link squealed.

"Shut up, I'm driving the train from now on." Zelda exclaimed.

"Um, Zelda, you're a ghost…" Link reminded her.

"Oh well, I'll use my amazing ghosty powers then."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Um, this is kinda awkward, let's get back…"

The train, powered by ghosty powers, chugged on until it pulled into the Tower. Anjean was sitting down, uploading photos onto Facebook via her Blackberry.

"2346749274947294729079927295 788 CAMERA IMAGES?!" Zelda breathed, "What the…"

"When you've been stuck in a Tower for 100 years with nothing but a Blackberry and make-up, you'll understand my dear." Anjean informed her.

"Hey, copyright!" Shouted Link, "You are copying Fagin from Oliver, he always says my dear! COPYRIGHT! COPYRIGHT! COPYRIGHT!"

"Link." Zelda sighed.

"Yes?"

"Shut up." Zelda turned back to Anjean. "So, what you up to, Anjie?"

"Zelda." Anjean sighed.

"Yes?"

"Don't call me Anjie."

"Sorry."

"And, just, y'no, stalking you. That's why I know that, thanks you, the Wooded Temple has been re-energised. And now the Tower of Spirits has plenty of energy too. Thank you."

"What temple should we head to next?" Zelda asked.

"The next temple is deep in the mountains and closed off by snowstorms. But again, you must first obtain a glyph."

"OH FOR F.."

"UNNECESSARY LANGUAGE!" Anjean screamed, standing up. "Now that the energy of the forest is flowing into the tower again... You can go farther up the tower to the level of the next glyph."

"Oh, woopie, how incredibly fun and thrilling."

"Shut up Princess. Obtain it quickly, you two, for you must get to the next temple soon!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever."

"Zelda, it's your line."

"What." Zelda looked puzzled. One of the backstage crew came and showed her the script. "Oh yeah. Got it! You can count on us! All right, let's go get the second glyph, Link! Link?"

Seconds later, Link returned with 5 bags full of "TOWER OF SPIRITS GIFT SHOP SALE!" Items.

"Link. Exactly how much did you spend." Zelda gasped.

"Oh, about 60000 rupees."

"60000 RUPEES?!"

"But they were so kind! They said 'come again soon, valued customer!"

"Shut your fat gob, Link. We need to get the next glyph."

"OH NOT ANOTHER F…"

"UNNECESARY LANGUAGE!" Anjean interrupted (Again.).

The two very reluctant 12-year-olds walked up the stairs.

"Look Link!" Zelda screamed. "OOOOH, alliteration! Clever moi. Ok, well, look, Link! The stairs go up higher than they did when we were here last time. Let's go to the new floor and find the next slab of rock."

They went up more stairs. It wasn't fun.

"Whew, it looks hot in here. Getting into one of those clanky suits of armour is the last thing I want to do."

"Zelda, that is so unfair, you promised we could do makeovers and watch movies in Links haaaat!" Ciela whined.

"Sorry Cieles. I have to do it if Link thinks it will help."

"Pleeeease!" Link shouted, which alerted the phantoms and they had to run away and then come back and hour later.

Link set off to collect the three tears of light. "Zelda?" He said, "Why was the light crying?"

"What? Um, because it's mum said he wasn't allowed a biscuit."

"OMG that is sooo saaaaad!" Link cried.

"SHUSH!" Zelda whispered loudly.

"Soz."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Um, this is awkward."

"This joke is overused."

"Yah."

"Hurry up."

"Sorry Zelda."

About 3 hours later, Link had finally collected all the tears of light. He whacked the walls of the safe zone to lure the phantom, but of course he couldn't see.

"WHAT THE %!$" WHY THE &*(" DID YOU ^%$£"!* SAY YOU HEARD A *&^%$£ NOISE WHEN YOU !"£$ :? DIDN'T!" One of the phantoms shouted.

"Sorry."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Not the Phantoms too…" Ciela screamed.

"Oh for goodness sake!" Zelda screeched, and used her ghosty powers to lift up Link's sword and stab the phantom and then she flew inside.

They finally got to the glyph room and Zelda's 'clanky metal' fell off and magically disappeared. Link's sword returned to normal too.

"Look-You get the idea, I said it last time." Zelda said.

"Yeah."

"Ok."

"SHUT UP! DON'T YOU DAAAAAAARE START THAT AGAIN YOU F…" Ciela screamed.

"UNNECESARRY LANGUAGE!" Anjean's voice could be heard over the speakers.

"Zeldaaaaa look I got the snowy wowwy glyphie wiffie!" Link said in a baby voice.

"Link, please don't put on that voice."

"Sorry babe."

"Link."

"Yeah."

"Don't call me babe."

"Sorry."

**Sorry for the short chapter, I'll have another one up later today.**

**UGH SCHOOL TOMORROW NOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Bye!**

**Zelda: reveiiiw**

**Link: MM HMM. **

**Anjean: Oh, Just a quick note, this story has had 582 views and 24 reviews! And her other story 'the boyfriend project' has had 843 views and 9 reveiws!**

**See ya peeps**


	7. Chapter 7 - Ol'

**Thanks to ilovedogs12 and that awesome guy. And also 'guest' – Link has his very own personality in my story – and that would be Dudette not Dude :D**

**Idonotownthelegendofzelda are you happy now disclaimer fans?**

**Um, yeah. Let us go, as the goron in the pirate hideout says….**

"You must go to the temple hidden in the snow and restore the energy flow!" Anjean told Zelda. (Link had gone to buy some Tower Soap from the gift shop) "The protector of the Snow Land, Steem, can be found in Snowfall Sanctuary. The sanctuary is somewhere within that land. Find it and ask Steem for help."

"Got it!" Zelda said, "Come on Link!"

Link returned with the tower soap and also some towels, and a t-shirt saying 'I heart New Hyrule!' "Yeah, ok." He agreed, "Let's gooooooooo. HUP!"

They set off to the snow land, but, just as they were nearing the castle, some brown pigs with white necklaces on tried to kill them :o

"OH "$ :! WHAT THE %^&£ WHY THE :)( IS THERE A :?* PIG ATTACKING OUR %^&*(^ TRAIN?!" Zelda screamed, "LETS GET TO MY $£"!*& CASTLE TO SEE IF ALFONZO CAN *&^%&( HELP US!"

"Zelda, that is very very very very very very very very – ooh, it's gone weird now – very. Ve-reeeeey… well, it is very unnecessary language." Link scolded her.

"WHAT %^$!^" EVER!"

"…"

"Sorry."

"NOT THIS AGAIN!" Ciela shouted, "I WILL PERSONALLY KILL ALL OF YOU!"

"Calm down, luv!" Zelda said.

Once they had arrived at the castle, the postbox was wiggling. "NO! NO! NO! I REFUSE TO SEE THE POSTMAN AGAIN!" Link shouted and hid behind the notice board.

"What can be so bad about a postman…" Zelda wondered…

"Hey, Hey, Howdy, Mister!"

"Oh my goddess…" Zelda stood, or rather floated there with her mouth open like this :o

"I'm here with a letter for you from Mr. Alfonzo, Link!"

"…"

"Does she look like Link?!" Ciela exclaimed, "She is clearly a girl! Oh, wait… you can't see her… so hang on, you must be talking to me… AH! HOW DO I LOOK LIKE LINK!"

"He told me he recently suffered many injuries but is now on the mend!" The postman continued, "Now, where was I…Oh, yes, your letter! Sorry, I'm easily distracted."

"…" Ciela …ed

"…" Zelda …ed

The postman gave the letter to Ciela, who promptly collapsed as it was about 10 times bigger than her. "Here ya go!" He said happily.

"bye…" Zelda said.

Link came his hiding place and took the letter from Ciela.

_Dear Link._

_I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you more. That guy really did a number on me, so I was feeling pretty rough for a while. Luckily, I'm feeling better now. Would you mind coming to get me at the castle and take me back to Outset Village? Thanks!_

_-Alfonzo._

"HOW DARE HE?!" Link shouted, deafening the whole of castle town for a little while, "HE WAS THE ONE THAT COULDN'T FIGHT AND PUT LE MOI IN DANGER! AND NOW HE HAS THE !"££$% CHEEK TO ASK ME TO TAKE HIM BACK TO HIS £$%^&* HOME? NO WAY HOZAY!"

But, because the script said so, Link had to do it. When he arrived, Alfonzo did not look hurt at all. Like, AT ALLLLLLLL. "Ah, Link… So you got my letter, did you?" Alfonzo asked, "I can finally get around on my own again, but what hurts most is my pride."

"IT WAS YOUR OWN *&^%(? FAULT!" Zelda shouted, but of course he couldn't hear her.

"How could I fail to defend the Princess?" Alfonzo said sadly.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE £$"!" Zelda exclaimed.

Link explained what Zelda had just said.

"Um, ok. Well, um, I'll be waiting at the station…" And Alfonzo walked off.

"Link, while we're here, do you mind if I do something?" Zelda asked.

"No…"

"GOOD." Zelda flew, and used her ghostly powers to drag Link along too, to the Castle Kitchen. She picked up a giant bowl of cheerios and used more ghostly powers to make it into ghosty food so she could eat it.

"And you call ME greedy!" Link said in pure shock after what he had just seen.

"Um. Well, it's different. Now, come on, let's go to the station." Zelda laughed.

Oh the way to the station, they bumped into Teacher. Link had a long conversation with him. Zelda was very worried after this convo, and said, "Poor teacher! Link, we need to get my body back to let Teacher know I'm ok."

"OH, SO IT'S ABOUT YOUR TEACHER? I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING ZELDA!"

"Um, Link…"

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? WE ARE DONE! I WILL GO BACK TO EATING BACON EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT!"

"Link. Calm down."

"YOUR NOT MY MUM! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"I'll give you a McDonalds if you come with me."

"DEAL! I ALWAYS LOVED YOU!"

"Erm…"

When they arrived, Alfonzo was standing there, and he was there smoking a pipe!

"ALFONZO! I THOUGHT YOU GAVE UP FOR YOUR 40TH?" Link shouted at him.

"YOU ARE 40?!" Zelda shouted at him, too.

"47 actually." Alfonzo replied, "Now, come. We need to go home so I can eat some bacon."

Alfonzo plonked his fat-

"MUSCLY!"

Sorry, Alfonzo plonked his MUSCLY bum down on the red seats on the train whilst Ahhhhhhhh-ing, and Link took him home.

"That's a fine-looking train you've got there. You're pretty lucky. And what a smooth ride!" Alfonzo said when they arrived. "Can't believe you got such a nice train from the tower of spirits…"

"Actually, Alfonzo, correct grammar would be 'I' can't believe." Link corrected him.

"Well, whatever. But like I said, I don't think it can handle the dangers you're likely to face!" Alfonzo told Link, "Let me rig something up for you… Oh, but it's going to take some time to get it ready. Come back here in a while. Why don't you go and visit ol' NIKOOOOOO while you're waiting?"

"Alfonzo, Word 2010 doesn't like the word ol'." Link said.

"What's Word 2010?"

"Oh sorry, you're not meant to know until 2010. Sorry Alfonzo. See ya later."

Link and Zelda set off to Link and Niko's house… "Oh No, there's Sally!" Link said to Zelda and hid behind a tree.

"Who's Sally?" Zelda asked.

"This really annoying girl who stalks me! That girl over there with the stupid pineapple hair!"

"Heyyy Liiiiiiink." Sally shouted.

"OH MY LIGHT SPIRITS, RUN! OR FLY!"

They ran to Niko's house.

"Hi there, Link. How was the ceremony?" Niko asked, "So you're finally a real engineer. Ah, this is a happy day! Say, why are you dressed as a soldier? It's strange… You look just like a friend of mine from when I was a young man…"

"HEY, I KNOW YOU!" Zelda shouted, "GRANDAD LINK DID NOT LIKE YOU! HE HATED YOU BECAUSE YOU NEVER BELIEVED THAT HE SAVED GRANNY TETRA FROM THE GHOST SHIP AND YOU STILL TEASED HIM ABOUT IT WHEN HE WAS THE KING!" But of course, Niko couldn't hear her ranting.

"Hey, that reminds me of something!" Niko continued, "Since you can travel all over the world by train now… Would you mind doing a favour for ol' NIKOOOOOOO here?"

"WHAT IS IT WITH MAD COUNRTY PEOPLE AND THE WORD OL'?" Zelda screamed.

"A.. A favour?" Link questioned.

"Ah, back in the day, I used to love travelling. I visited so many exotic places. Every place I went, there'd be a stand where I could get a special stamp." Niko told Link, "I never did figure out who built those stands…"

"IT WAS MEEEEEE! IN ANOTHER LIIIIIIIFE!" Link exclaimed evilly.

"Um… Anyway, collecting these stamps was a way to record my travels. But back then… I didn't have anything with me to stamp them in. It was a sad state of affairs. Which brings me to the favour I was talking about, Link."

"Does everything you say have to consist of your life story?"

"Shut up. Well, would you use this stamp book to collect those stamps for me? Here it is!"

DUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUUUH! You got the stamp book! Get stamps from every part of the world for Niko!

"Please collect a ton of stamps for me. If you get a lot, I'll give you something special." Niko offered (Blackmailed)

Link said thanks and ran back to the train, where Alfonzo was waiting.

"Hey, Link!" Alfonzo shouted, driving LINK'S train!

"HOW DARE YOU RIDE MY TRAI…" Link began.

"Oh, you got here just in time!" Alfonzo interrupted him, "Check this out, Link! It's a cannon for your train! With this baby, you can smash through boulders! You can even knock out any baddies that get in the way! Now that you've got this, you should be able to head out to Snow Land. You've got to help the princess. We're counting on you, Link!"

"Counting? I don't see any numbers… ohhhh…"

So Link, Zelda, and Ciela set off to this 'Snow Land'…

**I am sorry for the tres tres short le chapter. I vill maybe haf one up later. Oooh, now I'm French and German. Get me.**

**Zelda: please review.**

**Alfonzo: PLEASE I BEG OF YOU**

**Link: I WILL GIVE YOU A BIG MAC.**

**Niko: That's blackmail Link.**

**Link: Says you.**

**Niko: HKHFKJFHjkafhsdk**

**Zelda: SHUT UP! JUST REVIEW PLEASE!**


	8. Chapter 8 - She-men

**Thank you very very very much to my fabulous dahling reviewers: Ash, Fantasystardreamer7, ilovedogs12, that awesome guy and blackbeary. Thank you sooo much luvvies! And also, I realised I have never mentioned the people that followed and favourited so, thanks to…. Ilovedogs12, flamestrikereaglesus, ZeldaKatnissPotter, UltimateOtakuGirl100, PantherStar101 and echoing wolf who favourited; and the same people (Apart from flamestrikereaglesus) and BlackBeary for following.**

**Sorry I didn't thank you before my dears…**

**Um, yeah, ok, I don't own the legend of Zelda.**

**YOU BETTER BE HAPPY MR. DISCLAIMER! **

**Ok my dears, let us begin the next chapter…**

"I am so boooooored!" Zelda shouted, scaring off a random pig.

"At least you can fly. I'm stuck driving this train." Link pointed out.

"Shut up."

"No, don't be so rude young princess!"

"POO YOU!"

"Ugh, Zelda, I cba to go forward anymore. Let's stop at this stop here – it looks nice and treeie." **(A.N: Tree-eey)**

"Oh, hang on! I found some instructions… 'to fire the cannon, calm down and focus on what you want to hit…"

"Well, that's not very good advice," Link said, "If you are about to get killed by a random monster, you aren't going to be calm."

"Shush. 'Then very smoothly just tap your target! Your pal, Alfonzo.'"

"Well, he's not really my pal, is he? He's my teacher."

They stopped at the 'treeie' stop, apparently called 'Mayscore'. They went for a walk around the village, and Zelda started crying.

"Why are you crying…" Link asked.

"THEY'RE ALL MEN! AND THERE ARE LOADS OF BUUUUUGS!"

Link, slightly worried by this random outburst, walked into a house. But, it WASN'T a house! DUN, DUN, DUUUUN! It was, infact, a SHOP.

"Um, welcome? This is the Mayscore village shop. We have a lot of items, so, uh, please feel free to take a look. Um… If you see something you want, please tap it."

"Why do you keep saying um?" Zelda asked between sobs.

"WHAT IS WITH YOUR NOSE?! AND IS THAT PURPLE LIPSTICK?!" Link shouted at him. The man, who was very touchy, started to cry, and ran out the shop. "FREE THINGSSSS!" Link shouted, and him and Zelda stole everything and then ran (Or, um, chugged) Away on the train to another stop with a mad old man with a BUNNY hat on.

"Oh great, not another mad she-man!" Link muttered.

"She-man?" Zelda asked curiously.

"When you don't know if someone is a man or a woman. That random person with the massive nose was a she-man because it had purple lipstick on." Link told her, "And that is a she-man, because I can't tell whether it is a mad bunny woman or a mad bunny man."

"Oh."

"MMM HMM."

"Well, this is an odd place…" Zelda said, flying through a random tree,

"HEY, RABBIT!" Link shouted to the she-man.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?" The she-man replied.

"Hey."

"Hey. So, welcome to rabbit havennnn, a friendly fun home for rabbits and their furless friiiiiiiends." The giant rabbit said.

"Furless…?"

"There are millions of poor rabiiiiiiiits without a home or a companionshiiiip. Here at Rabbit Haaaaavennnn, we save those buuuuuunnies from the harsh wildernessss…."

"Why do you talk like that?" Zelda asked, but the giant rabbit did not hear.

"And provide them with much-needed frolickingggg." The random dude said, "You are here to frolic with the bunnies, riiiiiiiiiiiiight?"

"YES I AM!" Link shouted, "I LOVE BUNNIES!"

"Let me be 120 percent cleeeear. If your hearts not in iiiiiit, you're gonna get buuuurned Are you SUUUUURE you wanna frolic with the bunnieees?"

"Well that sounds kind of threatening." Link started, "So yes, I am sure."

"OK, I'm conviiiiiinced! IF YA WANNA JOIN US, HERE TAKE THIS MAN!"

DUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUUUUUUH! You got the… rabbit… net. Isn't that animal cruelty?

"HMMMM? WHY YA GOT A NET, YA ASK?" The rabbit said.

"No, I didn't ask…"

"WELL, COS, IF YA WANNA FROOOOLIC, YA GOTTA WORK FOR IT FIIIIRST!"

"Ok, so two questions. One, What's your name?" Link asked.

"Billy."

"K, thanks dude. And second, why are you randomly shouting?"

"COS HERE, WE'RE EAGER DUDE!"

"K Billy. K. So yah, imam go now. Lovely meeting you…"

Link and Zelda slowly walked towards the train and got on.

"THAT IS CRUELTY!" Zelda said, "I will call the RSPCA! I WILL!"

"But he said there were prizes."

"PRIZES? AS IN… MONEY?"

"Yes…"

"MONEY! JEWELS! SHINY STUFF! LINK CATCH SOME BUNNIES NOWWW!"

Tetra, who was somewhere and I don't want to spoil the surprise for later in the story, was secretly stalking them and was very proud of her granddaughter who had inherited her love for treasure.

They pulled up at the station and Zelda started fake shivering. "Brr! This place is freezing! … Though I can't really say that for sure, seeing as I have no body… Well, meh. COME! LET US GO AND… Oh for goodness sake. Not you again."

"Oh! RUDE!" Ash said, "What do you mean not me again? I think you'll find I am amazing! Well, I bring neeeeeeeeeeeeeeews."

"WHAT IS IT?" Zelda screamed.

"I KIDNAPPED THE HEAD OF GUARDS!" Ash said.

"Ah, who cares." Link "He was a blob of pop anyway."

"Oh. Well. FINE. I will return him!"

"Good. Bye."

"Yeah, bye. Nice seeing you… Wait… what the heck am I talking about… BYE! BAD SEEING YOU!"

Ash ran away.

"I am going to look for villagers." Zelda said, "Coming?"

"Yeah. Sure."

So they ran around the village looking for people. But they only saw random fat penguin things.

"OH LOOK!" Link shouted.

"What? Did you find a normal person?"

"Nope. Just a slab of rock so I can learn a little song."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Ciela randomly appeared.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link and Zelda screamed. "WHARE DID YOU GO?"

"I went to the loo." Ciela said.

"For a whole chapter?"

"Hey, fairies have big poos."

"Well, whatever. Imma learn a NEW SONG!" Link told her. "Now…ORANGE, YELLOW, ORANGE, BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE!" Link played it and suddenly started doing it really randomly and quickly. A treasure chest appeared!

"Treasure! GET IT NOWWW!" Zelda demanded.

It was a red potion.

"I DON'T WANT A POTION! I WANT MONEY! AND JEWELS! LINK! GET ME SOME JEWELS! NOW!"

"Hmm…" Tetra randomly thought (She was stalking them, remember?) "I would advise Link gave her treasure. If she's anything like me…"

-FLASHBACK-

"BUT TETRA!" Link shouted, "IT MEANS A LOT TO ME!"

NO LINK!" Tetra shouted back, "I BET THAT HOURGLASS IS WORTH MILLIONS!"

"NO!"

"YES! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!"

"NO!"

"LINK! DO AS THE CAPTAIN SAYS!"

"Tetra, if you take it, I will draw the ghost ship and stick it on your wall."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE GHOST SHIP!"

"Oh yes, the ghost ship." Link smiled. It was working.

"Fine. But I want treasure!" Tetra stopped. "Hang on… NIKO! STOP THE BOAT!"

Niko stopped the boat.

"C'MON, LINK!" Tetra exclaimed, and dragged him off the ship.

They spent 3 hours searching for gold.

Until Tetra fell and broke her arm and Link had to carry her for 10 miles back to the ship whilst she was crying and screaming. By the time they got back, his top was so wet he took it off.

Tetra was so surprised she fainted and had happy dreams about Link with no top on.

But her arm was still broken.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

"GET ME TREASURE!" Zelda continued.

Tetra laughed and returned to where she was hiding with Link. (PH LINK)

"Yes! Here! Here!" Link (ST) said, pushing a gold coin into her hand

It fell on the floor.

Because she is a ghost.

"Ugh." She sighed. "Oh well. Let's go talk to the fat penguin in the house."

So they did.

"hi, I.." Link started.

"If you're looking for the honcho of this place, you're starin' right at him!"

"I'm not."

"Whazzat? You ain't lookin' for the honcho of da village?" The fat penguin asked,

"No."

"WELL THEN! Well, my name is Honcho. So. Tell me guy, was I not made of this job?" Honcho asked.

"Yeah…" Link replied, looking at the random book on the shelf.

After a very long conversation about the sanctuary Link and Zelda discovered that the sanctuary was guarded.

By…

A giant bug.

Zelda cried in depression and refused to do any more of this chapter.

**Have a nice day and remember to review! I know it was short but it was very buggy and sweet!**


	9. Chapter 9 - Fat Penguins

**I AM SORRY! I AM SO VERY VERY VERY SORRY! I HAVE NOT UPDATED IN SO LONG! :'( **

**I AM SO SORRY!**

**Ok well thanks to Guest and ilovedogs12 for reviewing. **

**Thanks bruds.**

**Okay, well. On with the story. **

"BUT IT IS A G-G-GIANT BUG!" Zeda wailed.

Loudly.

"Don't worry Zelda" Link said.

"I WILL WORRY!"

"Okay fine worry then."

"Yeah, be that way." Ciela said, sitting on Link's nose.

"Get off my nose." Link said. "You skirt is itching me."

"No."

"Ciela I will personally get some cheerios and put you through the middle of one if you don't." Link threatened.

"OK!" Ciela screamed and flew away into a random flower, before her shoe exploded and she started crying.

Don't ask why her shoe exploded, because I don't know.

"so, I suppose we had better pair all these villagers up then." Zelda said suddenly.

"Yeah." Link agreed, "Come on guys. Let's go."

They walked into an estate with some weird penguin men walking around. One of them was weeing on a wall.

They walked into the first house they saw, and a penguin man was there. He said, "You! Guy! The name's Kofu! Good to meet ya, pal. So you're the guy putting together pairs for the watch?"

"How in Din's name did you know that? Even I didn't know up until about three seconds ago!"

"I can't wait!" Kofu ignored him, "My thoughts? I won't work with anyone who has big horns like mine. Mine are the best in the village. Maybe even the best in the world!"

"Just a little bit vain." Ciela commented.

Kofu slapped her. "So now you know my only request, pal. Find me a good partner OK? Thanks!"

The three left the house. Ciela was red with anger and there was probably steam coming out of her ears.

They were about to walk into the next house, when Zelda stopped them.

"Okay, well I know I have only just realised this, but we aren't knocking!" She said.

"And?" Link asked.

"Well, they aren't expecting us. So, they might be having a shower… and that would be awkward to walk into."

".. ew." Link said. "Erm, yeah. Don't worry, Zel. I doubt they will be showering."

"Zel?" Zelda asked, "Why did you call me Zel?"

"Cos." Said Link, "Zelda is too long to say, so I call you Zel because that will be my nickname for you!"

"Why are you giving me a nickname?"

"Because in a book I read, best friends give each other nicknames."

"We're… Best friends?"

"If you want."

"Okay," Zelda smiled, "I will call you…Elf man as a nickname."

Link's face looked like this: -_-

"Link is fine." He said.

"Ok, now come on, let's go see another vain penguin." Ciela said, "No soppiness please."

They approached the next dude – a small at penguin thing with a yellow…coat? And long horns.

"Hey! Little Green guy!" He shouted.

"Great, first elf man and now little green guy." Link mumbled to himself.

"I hear you're helpin' Honcho from monster-huntin' teams. I pity ya. I really do." The yellow penguin continued.

"Why don't you do it yourself then?!" Zelda shouted at his face, but because she was a ghost he couldn't hear her.

"See, us Anouki can be pretty particular." The dude continued

"And vain." Ciela added.

"Shut up, ball of fluff. Anyway, not old Yeko, of course. I'm a real peach!" Yeko said.

"You look like an anouki to me." Ciela said, "And Anouki do not look like peaches."

"Hmph. Well, yeah. So, I've just got one TIIIINY preference…. I'm not gonna name any names, but there's one guy in the village I can't stand! He's got wimpy horns and dresses in blue."

"Well that's quite rude." Zelda said, "I'm sure he didn't choose to have small horns."

"There's only one Anouki that fits the description, so ya can't miss him." Yeko told Link, "Ya follow me on all this?"

"No." Link looked blank.

"Good. See ya!"

"Um…Bye?"

They walked to the next house. Well, I say walked. Ciela flew, Zelda floated and Link jumped off a cliff.

As soon as they entered the house, another fat yellow penguin anouki thing bounded right up to them.

"You're pairin' us up to take out those monsters, right? Aw right!"

"He's a bit eager." Ciela commented.

"I, for one, am pumped and ready to send those jokers runin' for the hills! Ya wanna know my name, huh? Well, I go by Agent Yellow! I mean, since we're formin' elite teams, I figured I needed a code name!"

"Okaaaay." Link looked at this man with suspicion. He resembled someone with a slight energy overload. Maybe he had been drinking too much lucozade Hyrule edition.

"Seriously though. My real name is YEFU. Now let's get down to business, yeah? My partner needs to move freely in the field, so flashy horns are a no-no! Remember to keep it simple. That rule may save ya in the field one day, so I advise you get rid of that stupid hat."

"Oh THANKS, Yefu." Link said angrily. No one insulted his precious baby hat. NO ONE.

"Yeah, well, it's just some advice, mate. Well, see you. Bye bye now." Yefu shoved Link out the door.

"Rude." Link remarked. "I do not like Yefu. Not one little bit. Now if you excuse me, I am going to visit some more fat penguins."

He walked up to another Anouki, with a blue dress and small horns. "hey."

"HEY PAL! I hear you're findin' us partners outta the goodness of your heart!" The Anouki smiled.

"No I just…" Link began.

"YES! YES! YES WE ARE!" Ciela shouted.

"Oh, real nice of ya! Maybe I can repay ya in some kind?"

"OH YES P…" Ciela started.

"No need." Link replied calmly.

"Oh wow, ya really do love doin' good just for the love of doin' good!" The Anouki exclaimed in admiration.

"Yeah, well that's just how we roll." Said Zelda, unheard by the Anouki.

"That's real bighearted of ya, guy! But enough small talk. How ya doin'? Call me Noko."

"HI NOKO!" Ciela shouted.

She fell off Link's shoulder.

"ow."

"Listen, us Anouki only pair up with folks we find agreeable." Noko told Link, "Me? My biggest gripe is guys wearing YELLOW. I mean…blech! As far as I'm concerned, outside of bananas, nothing looks good in yellow!"

"How do you know what a banana is?" Ciela asked.

"Meh. I dunno. Well anyway, good talking to ya pal!" And Noko walked away, singing about Bananas.

"Only one more interview to go!" Link sighed, "Then we can face that giant bug."

Zelda burst into tears.

"Zel, forgive my asking but how to you cry if you are a ghost?" Link asked.

"Erm… I don't know." She replied.

"Okay. Well, let's go see this next dude."

They walked slowly along to the last fat penguin.

"Whazzat? I AM BULU. No, not BooHoo. Ugh. That gag's as old as the village honcho."

"What in Farore's name…" Ciela began.

"HMMMMM. So you're the guy making the paaaairs? HMMMM. You must be really bore- I mean, really nice to help us out with this. JUST REMEMBER THIS, BOY! I cannot stand facial hair. Anouki with facial hair think they're so great! I mean, who do they think they are? Bah! BYEBYE!"

"Ok…So, we just need to sort out who goes with who…" Ciela said, staring at Link's notes.

"WELL." Zelda began, "If we put Yeko and Bulu, Honcho dude and Yeku, and Kofu and Noko, IT WILL ALL BE FINE."

They went to tell the Honcho, who agreed.

Everyone was happy.

Apart from Zelda.

Because now…  
They were about to face

…

THE GIANT BUG.

**That had to be the most ANNOYING quest ever.**

**Well, ta ta for now, and also bye.**

**So long,**

**Fare thee well,**

**Pip Pip,**

**Cheerio,**

**I'll be back soon.**

**Hopefully**

**Zelda: SHUT UP!**

**Link: REVIEW IT EVERYONE**

**Bulu: WHAZZAAAAAT?**


	10. Chapter 10- The mid-life crisis at 175

**I'm back.**

**I'M NOT DEAD**

**I AM UPDATING.**

**THANK THE GODDESSES!**

**Zelda: About time too! Do you know how it feels to spend THREE MONTHS worrying about giant bugs?**

**Link: Judging from your complaining, I think I do.**

**Ciela: CHEESE.**

**I do not own Legend Of Zelda. But I do own my fanfics. Which is happy.**

**OKAY DEN, LETS GET DIS PARTY STARTED**

**Or… this chapter.**

"I DON'T WANT TO."

"Zelda, I thought you wanted your body back." Link said.

"NOT IF IT INVOLVES BUGS."

"Fine. We'll leave you here if you don't come." Ciela threatened, "Wimp."

"See if I care. Leave me." Zelda retorted.

So Link and Ciela jumped on the train, and Link shouted HUP! So Ciela slapped him, because she said that HUP! Was actually swearing in fairy language, and when Link said there was NO fairy language, and she had just made it up, she slapped him again for being right.

Thirty seconds later, Link and Ciela were chugging along, if chugging is a word, which it is, even though you may not think it, when Zelda came along screaming "DON'T LEAVE ME!"

So they didn't.

Suddenly, a big fat cave was infront of them. It was… BLACK. I thought caves were actually GREY. But clearly not.

"Oh no, the bug of doom is looming…" Zelda screamed, "WE MUST KILL IT WITH FIRE."

"We don't have any fire…" Ciela told her.

"WE MUST KILL IT WITH A CANNO-AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"Hey, dude, I have sensitive ears." A random bug thing said, "Please don't scream."

"B-B-B-Bu.."

"Dude, if you want to pass, just ask. It's my home, so I'M not gonna move, but if you want to go past, that's fine by me, man."

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM A LADY. NOT A MAN."

"Actually Zelda, you are a GIRL. Not a LADY. Because you are 12." Ciela corrected her.

Then Zelda hit her, and they had a fight. Ciela's bracelet fell of, so she cried in a corner.

"Sorry about them" Link said to the Giant Bug. "Can we pass?"

"Sure dude. Just don't shoot my kids."

"Thanks mate."

The train went at full speed out the tunnel, and stopped at a station. The station the were at was DA SANCTAURY. So they walked on. By walked, I mean flew, and, in Link's case, tried to fly, but landed on his face, so Zelda had to give him urgent medical attention.

There was a shop, run by a fat penguin thing in PINK. HE called it a supermarket, but it wasn't. There were five items, and that does not make a supermarket. Link tried to buy everything, but the fat penguin said that his pockets were stuffed, and he couldn't buy anything. Link got in a mood, and said that is was bad customer service, and was going to sue them. A stomped out the shop and accidentally ate some snow, which was covered in WOLFOS WEE.

Then he was sick.

Ciela, who couldn't be bothered with sick people, told him to man up. And they went to the Holy bit. However, there was a stupid puzzle.

"UUUUGHHHHHHHHHH!" Ciela shouted, "DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN JUST KILL DEM WID MA MAGEEC?"

"Mageec?" Zelda asked.

"Magic. You obvs don't speak gangsta."

"Uh, guys, we kinda have to solve this pu…" Link started.

"WERE YOU NOT LISTENING? I AM GOING TO KILL THEM WITH MY MAGIC."

So Ciela killed them with her magic.

They went through the door, and into a circular room, similar to the one in the forest, except this room was freezing.

"Oh hello there, Mr. Lokomo, we…" Zelda started to say.

"Getting the tracks, yeah, I know." Steem snapped, "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"I guess Lokomos aren't a big fan of Hylians…" Link muttered. "Judging from Anjean and Steem's reaction…"

"Not hard to pick this old guy out of a crowd, is it?" Zelda said to Link. Uncleverlly.

"EXCUSE ME?" Steem shouted, "I AM SIMPLY UNIQUE! BESIDES, I AM HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS. SO DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME."

"How can you be having a Mid-Life crisis at the age of, what, 18639?" Ciela looked confused.

"I AM NOT THAT OLD! I THINK YOU WILL FIND I AM ONLY 175 YOUNG FAIRY!"

"Sir, please calm down…" Link insisted.

"DON'T CALL ME SIR IF YOU DON'T HAVE REAL RESPECT FOR ME! DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! DON'T…"

"STEEM WILL YOU JUST TEACH US THE FREAKING SONG!" Zelda screamed in his face.

"Well then." Steem said, "I guess I HAVE NO CHOICE. NOW GET YOUR ^&£*%^!* FLUTE OUT AND PLAY THE SONG!"

"I.. I don't know the so…" Link began

"YOU USELESS BOY! I HAVE TO TEACH YOU NOW!" Steem exclaimed. "RIGHT. COPY ME." He got out an instrument. "BLUE WHITE BLUE ORAAAANGE!"

Link played "Blue, White, Blue, Oraaaaaange."

"Well I guess we are DONE HERE." Steem said, "Now clear off."

They cleared off.

"Well he was rude." Ciela said crossly, "Mid-Life crisis indeed."

"Wait." Link said, "In my script it says the Steem was meant to warn us about blizzards. I guess we should be careful then."

They jumped onto the train after Zelda had knocked a tree onto some Wolfos or however it's spelt, because Link couldn't be bothered to get out his sword.

Once they had set off, they were going to go to the blizzard temple, but Link had cheated and read ahead in the script, and he knew they would just get thrown to the beginning, so he went straight to the strange train man who may or may not be a bit mental.

Well he was going to, but he stopped at an icy spring.

"This spring is absolutely beautiful…" Zelda breathed.

"IT'S UGLY." Ciela shouted.

"It's water." Link said, with this face again: -_-

"SHUSH, ELF MAN!" Zelda shouted.

"Fine. I see how it is." Link sobbed, "Whatever. No, not whatever! I know I mess things up sometimes, but you guys are meant to be my friends! Ooh a house."

They went to the house, but no one was in. Link couldn't be bothered to read the stuff there, so he didn't.

They got back on le train, and went to find the dude called Ferrus.

"Is furgus gonna be furry?" Ciela asked, "Becau-AAAH! Look out! Giant snowman!"

"I'M GOING TO SMASH YOUR FACE IN!" Link shoted, "LITERALLY! I'M GOING TO SHOOT YOUR HEAD!"

So he did.

When the finally saw the dude, he was taking pictures of the air. Looking really excited. Unfortunately, an evil train crashed into Link.

"AUUUGH! LINK YOU IDIOT!" Zelda shouted, "NOW OUR TRAIN WILL MAGICALLY REPAIR ITSELF AND WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE STATION!"

When the ACTUALLY managed to talk to Fergie, he was bobbing about waving his arms, trying to swim in the air.

"How's it rollin'?" He asked.

"How's what rolling?" Link said, confused, "I don't see anything rolling."

"It's an expression, Link…" Ciela muttered.

"For a second there, I thought you were driving THE Spirit Train." Ferrus told Link.

"We are." Link said.

"And I was all like, "MAAAAAN, it's THE Spirit Train!"

"It is."

"Say, you're the guy who just became an engineer! Link, was it? I'm Ferrus. When it comes to trains, I'm kind of an expert."

"What's the wheel of the train called then?" Ciela tested him.

"Um.. The wheel… anyway, you know, everyone else is spooked to take their trains anywhere now. But here you are. VERY INTERESTING…"

"That sounds like a threat." Zelda said, "Is that a threat? I think that's a threat."

"YOU JUST GOTTA tell me where you are headed." Ferrus demanded.

"Temple." Link said.

"Nowhere." Ciela said.

"To the toilet." Zelda said, and went to the toilet.

"Really? You're heading to BLIZZARD TEMPLE? Chugga-Chygga-wow! That place is impossible to get to, what with the blizzard and all…" Ferrus explained.

Let's take a moment to appreciate he had been air swimming this whole time, matie readers.

"…Actually, that probably explains where the name came from. Duh! But I hear the tracks carrying the spirit energy to the tower are safe… As in, they're protected from the storm! HOW COOL IS THAT? Say, maybe if you took those tracks, you might be able to reach the temple! OH! I just remembered I have a map of the tracks around the area. Some parts are out of date, but the spirit tracks you're looking for are there…Here. Take a look. Bye!"

"Well, I guess we had better get going then! Blizzord Temple, here I come!" Zelda said.

"Uh, Zelda, its blizzARD. Not ORD." Ciela said.

"WOTEVS." Zelda snapped.

And they set off for THE TEMPLE!

**Next chapter, is, you guessed it, the temple.**

**Zelda: Will I have to wait another three months?**

**Nope. I'm writing it now. That just seemed like a good end for the chapter.**

**Ciela: YAAAY!**

**Steem: UGH. THIS STORY IS PROBABLY POISINING PEOPLE'S MINDS.**

**Shut up Steem.**


	11. Chapter 11 - GO BACK TO YOUR POST

**And I'm back. **

**Zelda: Good.**

**Link: She doesn't own The Legend Of Zelda, or M&Ms.**

"I had a really bad night's sleep." Ciela complained, "My caravan exploded."

"Why did it explode?" Zelda asked.

"Because I was storing highly explosive and flammable substances and dropped some fire on them."

"…" Link …ed "Why do you have highly explosive and flammable- GIANT SNOWMAN HEAD!"

The giant snowman head made the train lose a heart. "Dang it." Said Ciela, looking at the flying 3D hearts above her head. Then, she got a blue felt tip and coloured the empty container in. It worked.

"We're here!" Shouted Zelda.

"No Zelda, that is a Snowman hideout." Link said, as they entered THE BLIZZARD OF DOOM! "Not a-I can't see."

"DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM dooo do do do do do do dooooo! DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM." Ciela sang (Screamed) To the Snow land theme.

"I CAN'T SEE!" Zelda shouted, "STUPID ^&*(%^ STORM!"

"What kind of language is that for a princess?" Link scolded her, "That's very rude."

"SHUT THE ^&(6 UP!"

"We're here!" Ciela said.

"Oh." Zelda said, fetching her script. "So this is the Blizzard Temple. Are you ready for this Link?"

"OH YEAH." Link shouted.

"…Calm down mate. Let's go!" Zelda flew away.

"HEY! WAIT FOR ME!" Ciela said, and flew away.

"I'm the hero here!" Link said, and walked away.

"ICE GRASS!" Ciela shouted, "KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

"We don't have any fire, remember." Zelda told her.

"KILL IT WITH SWORD THEN!"

Link killed it with sword, and they went through a room.

"OH LOOK A BE…" Link started.

"Look at that big bell over there." Zelda said, "Do you think it's there for a reason?"

"No, someone just came and put a giant bell in a temple of ice for no reason. They just felt like it." Link said, sarcastically.

"SHUT YOUR %^&* MOUTH! I'M ^&*(% FOLLO-&*(&-ING THE ^&*(%£ SCRIPT, YOU %^$ HEAD!"

"…"

While the author was writing this, she forgot to pause the game, and Link got killed by an ice chu chu thing.

"DANG IT." Link shouted as he was magically resurrected. He went back to the ice room, and pushed the bell into a conveniently placed hole, and whacked it two times, and A DOOR OPENED.

They went through the door, but when they saw a puzzle to cross, Link cried in a corner, so Ciela picked the block up and threw it at Link, who cried even more, and then did the puzzle. He kept sliding around screaming WAAH! WOOAH! WAAH! WAAH! WAAH! WAAH! WAAH! You get the picture, he shouted waah. Then, he jumped across and shouted YAH! HUP! YOP!

He went through another room and smashed some pots, and used a wooden block as a boat. I don't think that's possible, but there ye go, me hearties.

He smashed another pot and got a wood heart.

"WTH is this thing?" He said, "Wood doesn't have a heart, and it's not in the shape of a heart, so the only explanation is that it is a PIG heart, and they got the words PIG and WOOD mixed up, which is unfortunate. I shall put it on my collection screen. I don't know what a collection screen IS, but that's where my stuff goes."

Link killed some bats and got… DUH NUH NUH NUUUUH! A BOOMERANG!

"Isn't meringue food? I don't want to eat this. Why is this meringue going Boom?" Link said.

"No, Link. A boomerang is a children's toy that is a weapon in The Legend of Me." Zelda told him.

"Oh."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"I WILL MAKE YOU GO BOOM IF YOU CARRY ON USING THIS OVERUSED JOKE!" Ciela screamed, loudly, and deafened all the enemies.

They saw another bell. "What a midget bell." Link commented. Suddenly, the bell grew a face!

"ALL MY LIFE I WAS BULLIED FOR BEING SMALL!" The bell said, "AND NOW THE HERO THINKS I AM SMALL? THIS IS SO DEPRESSING!"

Then the face went away.

Then Link played a song on the bells that went DONG DING DING DONG… G… GGGGGGG.

Then they cheated and went straight to the boss, because they couldn't be bothered to do anything else.

"Step into the blue light to return to the temple entrance." The sign (That looks like a gravestone) said.

"NO! RETURNING IS FOR WIMPS!" Link shouted, and ran up le stairs. However, up the stairs was a thing that looked like a pig, and then blew up to a balloon thing, and then pooed on the floor. Then he became two mini people, and then he killed the fire and ice stands, which was rude. Then he started spitting fire and ice at Link, which is also rude. Ciela had a fit, because of the rudeness, and killed the evil Blazz thing, by slapping him really hard. Then, a giant crystal came, going DUN DUN NUN, DING! DING! WEEEEE WISHYYYYY…. SHIIIIIINEEEEEEEEEEE! And it was so bright, that the trio had to look away. Then, ASH was secretly riding on the crystal! She was going to shout, but her cat Sooty attacked her. So she ran away.

"I DID IT!" Ciela shouted.

"I think you mean that I did it." Link muttered.

"NO. I DID IT! I SLAPPED HIS FAT BUM!"

then, Link got a heart container, and jumped HUP! Onto his le train. They stopped at the bridge builder's house. But there were so many enemies, they left. However, before they reached THE TOWER OF SPIRIIIITS, Link stopped at Burger King, at bought 3 burgers, and fries.

"Aw Link, thanks, you got 3, one for each of us!" Ciela smiled.

"Wut? No, they're all for me." Link said.

"HEY!" Zelda shouted, and ate his fries. "DA NUH, DA NUH, DA NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO!"

When they reached THE TOWER OF SPIRIIITS, Link went straight to the gift shop. He came out with some tower-shaped fudge.

"Hey Anjie." Zelda said.

"DON'T CALL ME ANJIE!" Anjean shouted. "Now, anyway, IT APPEARS that you succeeded in restoring the second area of tracks. Well done, Zelda and Ciela."

"What about me." Link said.

"SHUT UP!" Anjean shouted, "WELL DONE. I can FEEL the energy. I CAN FEEL IT!"

"I wish I could have helped, but I don't think I could have helped, I was too busy flying around eating ghostly fries." Zelda said.

"You helped, mate, cos… Wait let me check MY SCRIPT PUNK! It's enough that you were by Link's side. THAT'S ALL THE HELP HE NEEDS! APART FROM MENTAL HELP."

"Thanks Link." Zelda said.

"WOT BOUT MEH?" Ciela said.

"I SEE YOU ARE LEARNING THE LANGUAGE OF CAPITALS AND GANGSTA!" Anjean shouted to Ciela "Congrats blad. Now you've gotta go to the OCEAAAAAN! Now, go and get the next glyph."

"Ugh. I cbb. Fine, we'll brb." Ciela groaned.

"YOU BETTER, YEAH?" Anjean shouted.

They cliiiiimbed up. Zelda saw a cheerio on the floor and ate it. When they got up, it was PITCH BLACK. Link did a fart of fright. There was a lonely torch in a lonely corner, so LINK BLEW IT OUT. He now had the 3 tears old the light, so he stabbed a phantom and Zelda overtook it's bodehhh.

"Yay! I'm a torch Phantom so I've got this great sword to light he way! Now there's no need to worry about the dark! Come on, Link! We have to move!"

Then she decided to have a chat with the other phantom.

"THE DARK'S NOT SO BAD ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT."

"no."

"MY TORCH IS THE LATEST TORCH IN TECHNOLOGY."

"That's nice."

"THAT'S A NICE FLAME. NICER THAN THE DARK."

"Yup."

"THE BREAK ROOM IS A BRROM CLOSET. NOT SO FUN."

"Yeah, I know right."

"GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"But…"

"GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"I don't want to."

"GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"You are an idiot."

'GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"you have a smelly bum."

"GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"You are a piece of ^&%!"

"GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"you smell of elephant poo."

"GO BACK TO YOUR POST."

"I give up."

"GO NACK TO YOUR POST."

"Fine."

Link, Zelda and Ciela walked ahead – the torch proved to be very useful. Then, Zelda went Hyaaah! And hit some torches, and a door magically opened. They went through. There was a Z on the floor. Then a door said "The seeker of the key must draw blah blah blah." So Link drew a Z. Zelda picked up the key, but some evil hands came. Link killed dem ALLLLLL, and then they went through. THERE WAS AN EVIL FISH! Link and Zelda fought the evil fish, whilst Ciela ate a cookie she had dipped in Salsa sauce.

"Whew! That was getting pretty scary!" Zelda exclaimed when the fish was defeated, "Good thing I was there to help defeat him, right?"

"RIGHT!" Link shouted in her face. With his burger breath.

"Yessss! I helped defeat a monster! Just leave it AAAAAALL to me, Link!"

Then they got THE MYSTIC JAAAAADE! And went through the door. Then, Zelda's armor died. And Link's sword did too.

"Yes! We made it to the glyph room!" Ciela shouted, dipping another cookie in some Ketchup this time.

Link found LE OCEAN GLYPH! On one side is a map! On the other is a carving saying T 4 L!

"They say the third time's the charm. Shall we go get the next one?"

"YESH."

"Now that's the attitude of a true hero/idiot! IT'S STILL IN THE AIR. SO WE CAN'T."

"oh."

Then they went back to Anjean. Anjean was on Facebook again. She was looking at a page called "I'M A PUNK!" With pictures of people smoking wearing black, and singing rock songs, and shooting people.

"Oh!" She said when she saw them. "I'm looking at a facebook page on… knitting?"

"Uhm, no." Ciela said, "You're looking at a page about being a PUNK!"

"Shut up sparkles."

"…"

"Ah, I see you have the third gly- What the hell is that on the back? T 4 L? Tetra's been carving again! Anyway, clear off to ocean land. The dude that looks after the dolphin punks is called Carben. Sometimes, people think he is Carbon Dioxide. But, he is not. Now, go away."

"Link, l- Don't tell me he's in the gift shop." Zelda shouted.

Link came out carrying a beach towel covered in mini towers, a swimming costume with towers, a ghost swimming costume with towers, a fairy swimming costume with flowers, some shampoo, conditioner and a hairdryer, and a bucket and spade covered in towers, and the bucket was shaped like the tower.

"1 PERCENT OFF TODAY!" Link shouted, "WOOP WOOP!"

Anjean shoved them on the train, and opened up Facebook again.

**What do you think Carben should be?**

**moody**

**Happy about everything**

**A weirdo that keeps having illusions about cookies**

**A drag queen.**

**GOODBYE!**

**Link – if D is picked, I will cry.**

**YAY.**

**BYE.**


End file.
